Why do we want to be liked?

January 6, 2011  |  Observations, Personal Development

Everybody wants to be liked, why is that? Is it because we care about the relationships that much? Probably not, why would you want to have a good relationship with the guy next to you in the bus? You won’t ever see him again. Because we want to make the world a little bit better? Does a friendly conversation in the bus make that much of a difference? Or do we just believe in karma?

Those reasons won’t be the reasons why we want to be liked. We need to break down it a little bit.

What brings being liked us?

If you help somebody out, if you remove your bag from the seat in the bus so somebody can sit there, this will mean you increase your score at that person. The person who likes you somehow thinks of you as ‘+1′ or something. And he wants to even that score.

How? By doing something nice in return. He will say hello, grant you with a smile or shares an insight with you.

When you are being liked, this isn’t a +1 alone anymore, it is way more. You are being liked, somebody actually wants to spend time with you. This means they want to give big things in return. And what can that possibly mean? They can give you opportunities! And those are awesome.

Being liked results in opportunities. When you are asked: ‘Who should make a chance in a game to win a laptop?’ You won’t name a person you hate, you will name close friends, or people who you just like in general. You will give that opportunity to people you like, as people who like you will do to you. This is obvious! And this probably will be the reason why we want to be liked. It results in opportunities.

And what about those people at the top? They don’t care at all

True! But do they still need opportunities? Or will the opportunities be in abundance to them? For instance, Tucker Max doesn’t want to be liked and he tells you to not want to also. Assholes finish first, is what he says. If you are getting opportunities already, of course! Maybe there is a complete different philosophy behind it. But people who need the opportunities will always be a person who wants to be liked.

What is your opinion on this? Share it in the comments.

I got this insight from an interview I saw online with Stephen Fry, a great watch for every lifelong learner/student here. Watch it here

Why do we want to be liked?

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About the author

Stefan Knapen is the founder and big boss of StudySuccessful.com. As a 23 year old med student he is trying to become more productive, more successful and more awesome overall in life. Stefan loves coffee, but tea as well. He is currently busy building niche sites and start to create a full-time passive (student) income on the internet!



4 Comments


  1. Being liked is human nature, it’s just what people do. I think, ultimately, it’s rewarding. To know that someone likes you, it’s a nice feeling. In the long-run, friendships and relationships may present opportunities, but short-term, it’s a confidence booster.

  2. Oops, I screwed up my Twitter account. It’s @awesomestudy

  3. Hi, Stefan

    I think you may have a typo in your post here -> “What brings bing liked us?”

    Good article.

  4. Well, being liked is a human nature. But well, if we still want to get more on it, we want to be liked by others because human nature is creative. Everyone does something different. And the comparative complexities of our brains want us to be better than us. The comparative nature is what gifts us the desire to be liked :)

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